In my English class the other day, my teacher gave us a writing assignment. She said to describe our personal utopia. This assignment got me thinking, if I was in total control, what would I change? Well, I came up with a few ideas.

First off, we need more people working at the checking out counters at department stores. There are around thirty check-out counters, but only five are in use and I have to wait 15 minutes to check out. That needs to change. I want to be able to walk right up to the counter, purchase my items, and leave. It should not be a half hour process.

My favorite idea is making it illegal for guys to shave their chest hair. Men should just let their chest hair be. They don’t shave their legs or armpits, what is with this new shaved chest fad? It’s wrong. Why a guy would want to shave off the most attractive and manly section of body hair is beyond me, but it’s irrelevant in my utopia because I’m making it illegal.

I would also create two new driving laws. It will be illegal to turn slower than a person can jog around the corner. If there isn’t some sort of harsh precipitation on the ground, there is no reason to turn so slowly that my grandmother could beat you around the corner on her motorized scooter. Also, a new “right turn on red” law needs to be made. If you’re on a two lane road, going towards a red light and you don’t plan on turning right, get in the left lane. One would think it would just be common courtesy, but very few people do this. Day after day, I pull up to a red light trying to turn right while some jerk, sits in the right lane next to an empty left lane. I found if you want something to happen, you have to make it happen, so in my utopia people who break these rules will face severe consequences.

Yet another thing I would fix is how people say the word “bagel.” Often, it is mispronounced as bag-el instead of the proper bay-gle. If you’re above the age of six you should realize things aren’t always pronounced like they’re spelled. It’s not that difficult to understand.

Just about everyone else on this big blue planet is alright by me, but these things need to be amended.