Call me innocent

My parents have always kept me in this bubble, excluding me from the truths of this broken world. Honestly, I don’t necessarily blame them. My extreme cluelessness was the most relevant problem. I didn’t know what I didn’t know, so I didn’t know what or how to ask them. Even if I could have talked with them I never really wanted to talk about those topics with them or anyone. It just seemed too uncomfortable.

I was a very sheltered by my parents when I was younger and I still am now. Before eighth and ninth grade I didn’t really know anything. I’d be talking with my friends, then a more mature topic would come up. I used to ask what they were talking about, they’d laugh, saying things like, “how do you not know?” or “how innocent are you?” Eventually, after they were finished they usually told me, thankfully. As the months passed I have learned more, but it was never enough.

Now, to protect myself from embarrassment, I exclude myself from that part of the conversation. Sometimes I might gasp, laugh, smile, or nod when everyone else does, but clear as glass, I know they most likely can see right through me. 

For me, this isn’t even the worst part, I am most terrified when they are mentioned in a one on one conversation. Horrified, I panic and try to switch the topic, always running and hiding as if I’m playing some game. Now I’m done running and hiding from this idiotic fear. 

Just because I am a bit clueless of the truth doesn’t mean I am dumb or stupid. Maybe I am an innocent little child, but in the end, aren’t we all? Does innocence even have to be a bad thing? Why does society make it out to be this way?

I believe the world could use a bit of innocence sometimes. I feel the people of this dying world could be a bit happier. Maybe it could even spark some new crazy idea that could change the world in the best way possible. 

If this is innocence, then call me innocent. I don’t want people to see it by its definition or its name, I want them to see it for what it can do and what it has done. I would like everyone to see innocence as a positive, as a complement. I want people to see and know innocence for the changes it can make and the lives it can change.

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Cassidy Wainwright

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