Adoption is often seen as a bright and happy event. Which it is. Sort of. Adoption comes with its own trials and struggles that are often overlooked. Boston Post Adoption Resources explains that every adoption story begins with an attachment disruption. The body naturally processes this as a trauma, and can later lead to an “attachment wound.” I mean think about it, an adoptee’s first ever relationship, that of the baby and birth mother is completely uprooted. This is what often leads to attachment issues. 

I am somebody who was adopted at a very young age, and has experienced the effects of adoption trauma. 

Almost every person who I am close with, or was close with can tell you this; I tend to lash out and do something that will push them away. It’s happened since I was young when I pushed away multiple babysitters and nannies. It happens with my friends, teachers, and just about anybody who seems to care about me. Sean Maguire from “Good Will Hunting” sums it up well. 

“He pushes people away before they get a chance to leave him. It’s a defense mechanism.”

Getting close to somebody is also a struggle for me because I feel I don’t belong anywhere. I don’t really fit in with the white group because I’m not white. I don’t fit in with the Asian group because I didn’t grow up in an Asian family, among Asian culture. 

I think the best way for people who are adopted to be able to have close relationships and not push others away is to allow yourself to be comfortable in these relationships. To give people the chance to become close to you. Here’s a short list of things that you can do.

1. Allow others to become close to you
2. Give other people the chance to love you and realize that they may not have any intent of abandoning you
3. Accept who you are, and realize the beauty of adoption itself
4. See a therapist, this may seem odd or out of the blue, but seeing a therapist has helped me deal with adoption trauma, and the underlying effects of it, such as depression, and feeling like “nobody loves me”. It has also helped me to open up, and confront a part of myself that I hadn’t really faced head-on like that before

By attempting to follow this list, I have been able to forge new, stronger relationships with people who I know won’t abandon me, or push me away. I have also been able to explore a deeper part of myself and understand who I am. I still have struggles, and I am still working through adoption trauma, but doing it with friends and teachers who really know me makes it a lot easier.