{"id":2776,"date":"2011-01-15T20:40:15","date_gmt":"2011-01-16T01:40:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/?p=2776"},"modified":"2012-01-24T22:20:36","modified_gmt":"2012-01-25T03:20:36","slug":"my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/2011\/01\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\/","title":{"rendered":"Blog: My anger problem makes me mad"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Hannah Martin
\n<\/strong>staff writer<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to be this way. I didn\u2019t choose to be this way. I wish I didn\u2019t have to take medicine to control my emotions, my behavior. But without my meds, I\u2019m a holy terror.<\/p>\n

Without my meds, I hate everyone \u2013 my parents, my twin brother, my little sister, you and, especially, me.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been angry since before I knew how to spell my own name.<\/p>\n

Not just having a bad attitude, but so angry that my face turned red, my fist clenched, my eyebrows would go down while my eyelids went up. My feet spread apart and I began to yell.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t touch my door, idiot!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI hate you, Devin [brother]! You\u2019re so stupid!\u201d<\/p>\n

And when I got older I started to cuss to show my anger through words.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going to [explicit] kill you, you [body part] head!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c[Explicit], you are so ugly that even mom can\u2019t stand to look at you!\u201d<\/p>\n

I remember when I was eight, standing underneath the stairs and punching the wall. <\/p>\n

I remember hitting my twin brother, who at the time was a scrawny, blonde haired kid with big, blue eyes.<\/p>\n

I remember screaming at my little sister because she took my American Girl Doll without asking.<\/p>\n

I was a monster.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m depressed. I have an anxiety disorder that shames Sylvia Plath. I have dips of self-esteem and self-worth. I have panic attacks when I stress out. And because of those, I don\u2019t know how to control my anger when I\u2019m not on my meds.<\/p>\n

The thing is, I hate myself when I\u2019m angry. I hate myself so much that I use to cut myself. I cut to punish myself for being angry and hurting the people I love and care about. I was mean and horrible to my father and mother, whom I love, and my siblings, whom I adore with all my heart. <\/p>\n

I hated myself for making them hate me.<\/p>\n

Just thinking of that time makes me tear up, in sadness and happiness.<\/p>\n

Things today are much better because I have a close bond with my twin brother and my fifteen year old sister. My eleven year old sister finally looks up to me. I\u2019m a happy person. I\u2019m outgoing, outspoken, friendly, confident and so much nicer.<\/p>\n

This is how I want to be.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hannah Martin: Medication has made me fine now, but my emotions have caused many problems through the years<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[30],"tags":[51],"class_list":["post-2776","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blogs","tag-miscellaneous-blogs"],"yoast_head":"\nBlog: My anger problem makes me mad - UPDATE ONLINE<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/2011\/01\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Blog: My anger problem makes me mad - UPDATE ONLINE\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Hannah Martin: Medication has made me fine now, but my emotions have caused many problems through the years\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/2011\/01\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"UPDATE ONLINE\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/DHSUpdate\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-01-16T01:40:15+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2012-01-25T03:20:36+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Update\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@DowHighUpdate\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@DowHighUpdate\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Update\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/index.php\\\/2011\\\/01\\\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/index.php\\\/2011\\\/01\\\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Update\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/be39f258dafaaac3e98f5951fe5e9198\"},\"headline\":\"Blog: My anger problem makes me mad\",\"datePublished\":\"2011-01-16T01:40:15+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2012-01-25T03:20:36+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/index.php\\\/2011\\\/01\\\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":412,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/#organization\"},\"keywords\":[\"Miscellaneous Blogs\"],\"articleSection\":[\"BLOGS\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/index.php\\\/2011\\\/01\\\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\\\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/index.php\\\/2011\\\/01\\\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/index.php\\\/2011\\\/01\\\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\\\/\",\"name\":\"Blog: My anger problem makes me mad - UPDATE ONLINE\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2011-01-16T01:40:15+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2012-01-25T03:20:36+00:00\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/index.php\\\/2011\\\/01\\\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/\",\"name\":\"UPDATE ONLINE\",\"description\":\"H.H. Dow High School's award winning news source\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Update Online\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/logo\\\/image\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2020\\\/09\\\/Wordpress-icon.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2020\\\/09\\\/Wordpress-icon.png\",\"width\":256,\"height\":256,\"caption\":\"Update Online\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/logo\\\/image\\\/\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/www.facebook.com\\\/DHSUpdate\\\/\",\"https:\\\/\\\/x.com\\\/DowHighUpdate\",\"https:\\\/\\\/www.instagram.com\\\/dowhighupdate\\\/\"]},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/be39f258dafaaac3e98f5951fe5e9198\",\"name\":\"Update\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/index.php\\\/author\\\/bickmorebd\\\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Blog: My anger problem makes me mad - UPDATE ONLINE","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/2011\/01\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Blog: My anger problem makes me mad - UPDATE ONLINE","og_description":"Hannah Martin: Medication has made me fine now, but my emotions have caused many problems through the years","og_url":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/2011\/01\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\/","og_site_name":"UPDATE ONLINE","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/DHSUpdate\/","article_published_time":"2011-01-16T01:40:15+00:00","article_modified_time":"2012-01-25T03:20:36+00:00","author":"Update","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@DowHighUpdate","twitter_site":"@DowHighUpdate","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Update","Est. reading time":"2 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/2011\/01\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/2011\/01\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\/"},"author":{"name":"Update","@id":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/#\/schema\/person\/be39f258dafaaac3e98f5951fe5e9198"},"headline":"Blog: My anger problem makes me mad","datePublished":"2011-01-16T01:40:15+00:00","dateModified":"2012-01-25T03:20:36+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/2011\/01\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\/"},"wordCount":412,"commentCount":0,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/#organization"},"keywords":["Miscellaneous Blogs"],"articleSection":["BLOGS"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/2011\/01\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/2011\/01\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\/","url":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/2011\/01\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\/","name":"Blog: My anger problem makes me mad - UPDATE ONLINE","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/#website"},"datePublished":"2011-01-16T01:40:15+00:00","dateModified":"2012-01-25T03:20:36+00:00","inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/2011\/01\/my-anger-problem-makes-me-mad\/"]}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/#website","url":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/","name":"UPDATE ONLINE","description":"H.H. Dow High School's award winning news source","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/#organization","name":"Update Online","url":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/Wordpress-icon.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/Wordpress-icon.png","width":256,"height":256,"caption":"Update Online"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/DHSUpdate\/","https:\/\/x.com\/DowHighUpdate","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/dowhighupdate\/"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/#\/schema\/person\/be39f258dafaaac3e98f5951fe5e9198","name":"Update","url":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/author\/bickmorebd\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2776","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2776"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2776\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2818,"href":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2776\/revisions\/2818"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2776"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2776"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2776"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}