{"id":14311,"date":"2019-11-06T11:47:23","date_gmt":"2019-11-06T16:47:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/?p=14311"},"modified":"2019-11-06T11:47:24","modified_gmt":"2019-11-06T16:47:24","slug":"personal-reflection-isnt-worth-crying-over-while-showering-everyday","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/2019\/11\/personal-reflection-isnt-worth-crying-over-while-showering-everyday\/","title":{"rendered":"Personal reflection isn\u2019t worth crying over while showering everyday"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I\u2019ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately. I\u2019ve been focused on things that could\u2019ve been. <\/span>What<\/span><\/i> I could have been, <\/span>who<\/span><\/i> I could have been, <\/span>how<\/span><\/i> things could be so different if I had simply done this or said that. <\/span><\/p>\n

I could still have that group of friends if I hadn\u2019t quit softball. I could be the jock my dad always wanted me to be instead of the awkward nerd I am now. I could be on my way to the Olympics, ready to be the next Jenny Finch- better than Jenny Finch. All of the time and money and training put into my pitching arm wouldn\u2019t have gone to waste. <\/span><\/p>\n

He could still be in my life, either as friends or something more if I hadn\u2019t ruined everything. He could\u2019ve been the best thing that ever happened to me. He <\/span>was<\/span><\/i> one of the best things to ever happen to me, and I messed it up. I sit in my car listening to a song that reminds me of him. I stand under the scorching water in the shower and think back to past conversations. I find myself missing him at the most inconvenient times and it\u2019s torture. I feel entirely useless because there\u2019s absolutely nothing I can do about it. <\/span><\/p>\n

My entire high school career could be on a completely different path. I could be the IB Diploma candidate I thought I was going to be instead of the tenor saxophone section leader I am now. I wouldn\u2019t have 10 beautiful people calling me Mom and constantly driving me utterly bonkers with their antics. <\/span><\/p>\n

With all this incredibly depressing, tear inducing reflection, I get stuck in a thought spiral. Once one bad memory surfaces, they take their turns swimming around my head all night long. <\/span><\/p>\n

One night, in a melatonin induced stupor, I came to the conclusion that the \u2018what ifs\u2019 of life aren\u2019t worth spending time on. I am here to live. I am here to make mistakes and learn from them. I am not here to relive my worst memories every day. <\/span><\/p>\n

I am the sum of my choices. I am the woman you know because of the things I said and did. I am me, no matter the mistakes and triumphs I have endured. I can\u2019t dwell on the choices I did or didn\u2019t make. I can\u2019t change who I am because I\u2019ve already made myself. I will never meet the woman I could\u2019ve been because she doesn\u2019t exist. She never will exist, no matter how long I think about her. I have to focus on who I can become. <\/span><\/p>\n

I can\u2019t spend anymore time crying in the shower. I\u2019m wasting water.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":10249,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[2418,2373,2482],"class_list":["post-14311","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-opinion","tag-column","tag-molly-birch","tag-personal-reflection"],"yoast_head":"\nPersonal reflection isn\u2019t worth crying over while showering everyday - UPDATE ONLINE<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/2019\/11\/personal-reflection-isnt-worth-crying-over-while-showering-everyday\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Personal reflection isn\u2019t worth crying over while showering everyday - UPDATE ONLINE\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/update.midlandps.org\/index.php\/2019\/11\/personal-reflection-isnt-worth-crying-over-while-showering-everyday\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"UPDATE ONLINE\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/DHSUpdate\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-11-06T16:47:23+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2019-11-06T16:47:24+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Molly Birch\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@DowHighUpdate\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@DowHighUpdate\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Molly Birch\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/index.php\\\/2019\\\/11\\\/personal-reflection-isnt-worth-crying-over-while-showering-everyday\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/index.php\\\/2019\\\/11\\\/personal-reflection-isnt-worth-crying-over-while-showering-everyday\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Molly Birch\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/64b1eb1f15bf2c263b54b110f10bf714\"},\"headline\":\"Personal reflection isn\u2019t worth crying over while showering everyday\",\"datePublished\":\"2019-11-06T16:47:23+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2019-11-06T16:47:24+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/index.php\\\/2019\\\/11\\\/personal-reflection-isnt-worth-crying-over-while-showering-everyday\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":483,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/#organization\"},\"keywords\":[\"Column\",\"Molly Birch\",\"Personal Reflection\"],\"articleSection\":[\"OPINION\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/index.php\\\/2019\\\/11\\\/personal-reflection-isnt-worth-crying-over-while-showering-everyday\\\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/index.php\\\/2019\\\/11\\\/personal-reflection-isnt-worth-crying-over-while-showering-everyday\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/index.php\\\/2019\\\/11\\\/personal-reflection-isnt-worth-crying-over-while-showering-everyday\\\/\",\"name\":\"Personal reflection isn\u2019t worth crying over while showering everyday - UPDATE ONLINE\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2019-11-06T16:47:23+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2019-11-06T16:47:24+00:00\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/index.php\\\/2019\\\/11\\\/personal-reflection-isnt-worth-crying-over-while-showering-everyday\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/update.midlandps.org\\\/\",\"name\":\"UPDATE ONLINE\",\"description\":\"H.H. 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